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Humor für Piloten
Schorsch Fischers 1.000 Seiten der Luftfahrt
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ReiseflugKlappen voll gesetzt, Blick auf Landepunkt ...Saubere Landung. Triebwerk jetzt nicht ausstellen !
Die 3 Phasen einer gelungenen Landung: Reiseflug - Anflug  - Landung  (Bilder: Schorsch Fischer )
Externer Link: www.chickenwingscomics.com
RULES OF THE AIR

1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.

2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.

3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.

4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.

5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.

7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.

8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.

9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.

10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.

11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.

12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.

13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.

14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made.

15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.

16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.

18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.

19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.

20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.

21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.

22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.

23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to repeal.

24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.
Quelle: Australian Aviation Magazine
Was die Namen wirklich bedeuten:

AA (Am.Airl.)=alcoholics anonymous
ALITALIA....=allways late in takeoff and late in arrival
...................=airplane lands in Tokio and luggage in Amsterdam
AUA..............=absolutely unnecessary airline
....................=Aussteigen Umsteigen Autobus
BWIA............=best women in air
.....................=born to wait in airports
CAI...............=check all items
CSA...............=czechs smashing airplanes
Cubana.........=Castro usually boards another aircraft
Dan Air.........=dangerous and nearly always incredibly rough
Delta............=don't expect luggage to arrive
EL AL .........=Entführer landen als Leichen
Garuda.......=good and reliable until delay announced
Iberia..........=i barely even relax in airplanes
KLM..............=kussen lieve meisjes
LOT..............=lots of trouble
LUFTHANSA=let us f... the hostess as no stewardess available
PIA..............=please inform allah
...................=pay insurance ahead
PSA.............=people scattered about
PWA............=poor willy airlines
QUANTAS....=queasy and nauseous, tired and sick
SABENA.......=such a bloody experience never again
SAS...............=sex after service
SWA..............=should we abort ?
Swissair........=Sexy Women In Swissair Service Are Incredbly Rare
TAP...............=try another plane
TWA..............=tramps, whores and alcoholics

... und Internet-Adressen:
www.hlf.de ...=Wien - Wien - Wien - help - low fuel - declare emergency

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Das schöne (?) Ende einer Piper PA34-200T ...
Fliegerwitze:
"Ich hab jetzt nen neuen lover" sagt die Spitzmäusin zu ihrer Freundin.
"Haste nen Foto von ihm?" fragt die neugierige Freundin.
Sie zeigt es. Aufschrei der Freundin: "Igitt ! Das ist ja eine Fledermaus !!!"
"Wirklich? Zu mir hat er gesagt, er sei Pilot."

Kommt ein tschechischer Pilot zum Augenarzt. Der hält ihm die Buchstabentafel vor, auf der CZRSTWQYSTACZsteht, und fragt: "Können Sie das lesen ?" "Lesen ?" fragt der Pilot, "ich kenne den Kerl !"

... muß ich das 2x sagen ?!?
noch mehr Paxe !
all computerized ...
Porsche 356 IG Deutschland e.V. Impressum / zurück
L! Teutonia Bonn